"I write, therefore I am."

I was curious and tried to find if my accident ever made it in a newspaper... haven't found it yet, but I did find this from the North Logan Fire Department: "AUTOMOBILES - Slow down and pay attention. Pedestrians struck by a car moving at 20 mph have a 95% chance of survival. At 30 mph that rate drops to 55%. At 40 mph there is only a 15% survival rate." So what's the going rate for 45...? I should be even more dead than I thought before. God bless miracles.

Yes indeedy folks. I had therapy today. And I drove meself :) (Mom came too, but in a separate car cuz she was late from taking my sis to the doc). When we got in there, the lady measured and babbled... and stretched! OW! It was declared that I have extraordinary better-than-yours ankles. Well, now only one. Apparently normal people have like 10-15 degrees of dorsiflexion (bending your toes from neutral up). Well, your truly has 40. Normal people have like 40-45 degrees of plantarflexion (bending your toes from neutral down). Yours truly can do 70! BOOM BABY! I have hella flexible ankle. :P Because the right one is messed up and swollen and numb...still. Well, on that one I can do 10 dorsiflexion, which therapistlady said was incredible. :) Uber win. Only there's a catch. She also measured my hamstring flexibility. C- for sure. My hamstrings don't stretch or flex and they are super tight and super hurt. So of course she made me stretch them extra. Gah. And now I have to stretch...

I was hit by a car. My life altered, radically and permanently, after. I didn't ask for this, it just happened. And now I have to figure out how to cope. How to continue. How to pick up the pieces and move on. The very scary Next. After the ER, I had extensive emergency surgery, and from what I can tell, though I never actually asked, my tibia came through my skin when it broke, as I still have a giant wound that according to the doctor was "the spot that suffered the most trauma." After the surgery though, they couldn't close me up. Too much bleeding, too much swelling. And that kind of swelling can lead to what they call "compartmental swelling" aka the swelling gets so bad it cuts off circulation and then I have to be amputated. Eee. So they operated, and cleaned out the dust fragments of bone, leaving the larger ones, then implanted a titanium rod in my leg which extends from knee to ankle. Then I was given a hospital room. My last day there, I sat down ...

Living with my grandparents was posh. As noted here , after Turtle's visit, I moved to Smithfield to find new work. Cache Valley was supposedly the place with the lowest unemployment rate in Utah. Cool. I had my own room, my own bathroom, I totally felt at home. Even better was Grandma's cooking. Authentic, old-school, home-style cooking. Bread from scratch. Real eggs for breakfast. Real fruits and veggies from the garden. Three full sit-down meals a day. Doesn't get better than that. Job hunting was tedious, but I applied myself anyway. Had some leads, was interviewing, and then it happened. 5pm on a Friday. I didn't realize it was already 5pm, and was thinking that the library was open til 5:30. The Librarian told me it was time to close up shop. I scrambled with all my stuff, and then headed out. Walked a block south, and then looked at traffic. Busy. I pulled off my left glove to send a quick text message. When I snapped my phone shut, I looked again. Clear. So I w...

i need to update. but really i just want to sleep. and am too high to care. about anything like updates. clearly, i'm alive. surgeries are going well. i may even go home from this hell-hole-of-a-boredom-pit-with-a-tube-in-my-weiner tomorrow. [Insert: as I was writing this drug-laced ramble of apathetic indifference with my iv still beeping incessantly because i refuse not to bend my arm, one of the CNA's came in and totally freaked out that I was STILL HERE. She was like omg I saw you last saturday night and they were doing surgery and I can't believe you are still here! I KNOW. RIGHT? GOOD HELL. ] If there weren't an endlessly-refreshing-10-minute supply of drugs this relationship would have ended...weeks ago. Even so I'm not completely without qualms that it's continued this long. Everything has limits. Everything. I've even exhausted my supply of books. That's like 2000+ pages of reading on top of all the drugs, surgery, eating, peeing anytime it sui...

Just when we all thought it couldn't get worse... The post about Turtle visiting is in the works...but after that I opted to be done with lies and falsehood and leave Idaho behind. Who knows if I'll ever get my money? So I moved a bit more south, back into Utah. Near Logan to be exact. Smithfield. I was there last in May and wrote this about going with my dad back to his roots. Now I live here. The job hunt began. It was going well. I had applications out, and people were becoming interested. Then another level of disaster I could not ever have imagined... I was walking home from the library last night and needed to cross Main St. so I could go home and have dinner with my grandparents. I waited patiently until it was clear to cross, because I don't like making a bunch of cars stop, and whose to even guarantee they all will, anyway? I was across three of the four lanes, then I suddenly turned my head to the right about half a second before being plowed into by a white car ...