"I write, therefore I am."

Part 5 . After the students and staff spoke, it was time for my parents to share their part in what the Graduation program called the "Journey of Vulnerability." This was really hard for my mom because she's an amiable personality who doesn't like the spotlight. She prefers to not draw attention to herself. But, she said, if my sister can jump off a 4 inch beam to go after her success, then my mom supposed she could speak. Recognizing her nervousness, my sister moved closer and put her arm around my mom in solidarity. My mom said she was going to read a story, a true story. "A long time ago, there lived a little girl. She had three big brothers, but she longed for a sister-" My mom choked up. My sister whispered some words of support in her ear. My mom continued, "She had friends, but that didn't stop her wishing for a sister." She choked up again, and exclaimed that she couldn't do it, and was once again reassured by my sister. Seeing my M...

Part 4 . [Author's note: Well, this ended up being really long, so a la Harry Potter , I decided to split it up into two posts. Just more for you!] Two days before my sister graduated, she had a breakdown of sorts. This school didn't make her perfect. But we knew that - and don't expect perfection. We just wanted our sister/daughter back to her loving self. It was time to do school, but my sister felt she needed to prep for graduation, and wanted to get ready. She felt the staff's expectations for her to be prepared were unrealistic. So she was typing... but not doing the scheduled activity. Oops. Staff said go to school or go to regroup. After 40 minutes, they threatened escort. When they tried, my sister wasn't having it. She shoved the staff away. They wrestled, and two of them tried to get her into a hold, but they were newer staff with less experience, and couldn't manage. Finally, they brought in a more experienced staff and he took her to the ground in a ...

Part 3 . In May I got to visit my sister. In order to meet my parents at the airport, I had to fly out of Salt Lake at 12:50am. Which meant I didn't go to bed. Sacrifices. It was a surprise visit for her birthday, and I was so excited! I got her an expansion for the popular card game, Dominion . Just so happens that cards in a box like that apparently scan as C4. T_T Awesome... no, not really. That landed me in a security hotseat, though once they unpacked everything and explained it, I was sort of laughing inside. I mean, I guess if they packed with C4 and shrink-wrapped it BEFORE I bought it, then yes, it legitimately could be C4. *shakes head* Since it was like 1am, I hoped to get some shut-eye on the way there. And then had to have the ONLY person on the entire plane sitting next to me who decided they weren't tired and wanted to read. Serious? Oh, and the row right in front of me had the only baby also. SERIOUSLY?! Why do I have such rotten luck with planes?! I finally dri...

Part 2 . CALO didn't seem to be helping. My sister was still depressed. Still hurting. Still not connecting with anyone. And then something changed. She decided she wanted to adopt a dog. Not all students adopt a dog; some either are unable to get permission or just aren't interested. That appeared to be the case with my sister, until this dog broke through to her in a very personal way. The process begins with making people aware of your desire to adopt a dog. You have to obtain permission from your parents. Then you submit papers declaring your intent. The dog is released to you and you are allowed to care for it for one month. Then you submit again, stating you've cared for the dog for a month and still wish to adopt it. Then you start on a number of "intent" essays, submitted at the end of the month for the next 4 subsequent months. By the time the entire dog program is over, it's usually taken the extent of your stay. Most students do not complete the for...

Part 1 . [Author's note: Geez! Sorry it's taken so long to get this up. Once I finally had all the pieces I needed (the original hold-up), I didn't have any free time to get to my computer and hash it out.] My sister was in trouble. She was making dangerous choices that were not just detrimental to herself, but to others as well. She needed help and my parents didn't know how. They were afraid she was going to attempt suicide. For my mom, such things were incredibly scary to comes to term with - because it meant acknowledging she was unable to do her number one job as a parent: protect her child. My sister was sent to the University Behavioral Center and put in lockdown twice. But the Center didn't really know what it was doing, or how to help. Their idea of a group session was to put on a video called "intervention." The first time my sister went she was in lockdown for about 6 days, then spent 10 days on their day program (which my mom says is a joke). ...

This song makes me think of my sister. And how amazing she is. And reminds me how much I value her. And I smile. While I'm compiling things, and drafting, and crafting, please take a moment to revisit Part 1 - that way we remember where we came from. And then we only go up from there. :) Her story will be up soon. Thanks for your patience.

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” – Willa Cather Love is such an incredible force, one which drives us to do unthinkable things – even at the cost of life itself – for those we care about. I would trade love for nothing in this world, especially when it comes to my family. I’m sure I’m not alone in my sympathies. In 1998, I extended my love to a new member of my family, a sister adopted from a lonely orphanage in faraway Russia. She was just four when we welcomed her into our home. What happened in those four short years will always be a mystery, but the impact they had on her life will not. Unable to do anything to stop her, my family and I watched helplessly as my sister’s past swallowed her in the present. Her pain seemed unmanageable, her behavior got progressively worse and nothing seemed to help. At the beginning of this year my parents made the terribly difficult decision to enroll her in a long-term residential treatment center - for her own protection. ...