This... this is just positively too funny to pass up. It must be put here.

Last night my sister and I were chilling and my lil bro was hanging out on the floor. I don't even remember what was going on, though that's prolly because I was on the phone... then all of a sudden my bro just busts out with:

"You know, the bottom of your crutches don't taste very good."

O.O W T H ? ROFL I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard.

What a random 13yr old boy he is. Not even begging the question what would possess anyone to...ew! don't know where those have been!

This time it was my brother. He's totally 13, but still.

Me: "I want some O.J."
Pops: "Okay, give me your cup. Am I supposed to shake it first?"
Me: "Yes."
Ry: "No, it's already been shook-ed."

O.O Kids...

As you know I'm no longer a Sunday School teacher so I don't have bunches of 10yr olds every weekend who say really random and funny things. But life has it's ways of making up for that, so here's to a new blog section for our missing giggles.

This time around, my 14yr old sister will be filling in for the 10yr olds:

Mom: "It didn't work."
Me: "Did you type it right? Is your caps lock on?"
'Stas: "No, if her caps lock was on the little light would be litted up."

O.O She REALLY said that. Really.

I was hit by a car. My life altered, radically and permanently, after.

I didn't ask for this, it just happened. And now I have to figure out how to cope. How to continue. How to pick up the pieces and move on. The very scary Next.

After the ER, I had extensive emergency surgery, and from what I can tell, though I never actually asked, my tibia came through my skin when it broke, as I still have a giant wound that according to the doctor was "the spot that suffered the most trauma." After the surgery though, they couldn't close me up. Too much bleeding, too much swelling. And that kind of swelling can lead to what they call "compartmental swelling" aka the swelling gets so bad it cuts off circulation and then I have to be amputated. Eee. So they operated, and cleaned out the dust fragments of bone, leaving the larger ones, then implanted a titanium rod in my leg which extends from knee to ankle.

Then I was given a hospital room. My last day there, I sat down and wrote out every nurse and everything I wanted to remember from my stay there, but I forgot the paper when I left. Sad. I remember the first nights I was still half-in-shock, half-drugged and didn't do much. After the first day though I was eating real food again, because I didn't want to do liquids. Some of the nurses were super nice, and super friendly, and others not so much. During the day they would come and have me walk on crutches. The first day we went from my bed to just outside my room. The next we went all the way around in a circle. Going to the bathroom was always fun. I had a catheter, an iv, and for some of the time, a vacuum tube in my leg. In order to go anywhere all of that had to come too. And it got tangled up easily, so I had to hop, or jump, or spin to untwist and it was agony. I wrote briefly about it being hell here.

One of my fondest memories of being in the hospital is all the love I received. Truly I am grateful for everyone who reached out, called, sent packages, flowers, or came in person. On Sunday, the 1st, I had 21 visitors. I had a 2nd surgery on the 2nd, which I remember nothing of, only the beforehand. Camille was my nurse that day, and I feel so bad for what happened. As we were waiting for them to be ready for me, my muscles started constricting, and wouldn't release. Like my fingers curled up and I couldn't unclench them, only it was like my whole body. This hurt really bad and I started to hyperventilate also, then I don't remember anything after that. I know my grandparents were there, and I'm sorry for scaring them. I also know there were like 4 nurses tending me just then. Camille said she got one of the directors and they did breathing with me sorta like they do with pregnant women, but I don't remember any of that. From the 31st to the 2nd, I remember my leg bled alot and we kept it elevated and with bags of ice. Sleeping was really hard. And because of the blood, they had to change my pillows like every 4 hours.

My third surgery was on the 6th. On the 5th one of my favorite nurses, Lynn, was so nice to get me out of bed, take me to one of their special rooms and wash my hair for me. That felt so refreshing. The 6th was my last surgery, where they closed up the 2nd fashiotomy. The beforehand can be viewed here, but I WARN YOU, THIS PHOTO IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. AT ALL. The white you see there is my tendon, and above that, those are my muscles. Yeah, gross.

After 7 days in the hospital, I was still struggling to come to grips with what had happened to me. How changed my life was. How I was going to get through and move on and be okay. Friday I reached my limit and cried myself to sleep. Saturday morning they came in and took my blood again (which always hurts) and they had not done that in 3 days. Then the nurse wanted to give me one last anti-clotting shot which they give you in the stomach, and I couldn't take it. I was tired of being stabbed and tried of being poked, and tired of being stuck in a bed and unable to move. I asked her, please, did I have to? She said she could not force me to take the shot, but what did I prefer? Well, clearly, I prefer NOT to take the shot. She huffily said, "Good luck getting out of here." When the next nurse came on shift, I got the shot, but she gave it to me in my thigh instead of my stomach and it hurt less. But honestly, I couldn't have done anymore shots. I was breaking down, and emotionally frayed from being in there.

Going home was much of a respite either. They prescribed me some Percocet and I was on my way. The fierce independent that I am was quelled in my invalidness. I can't carry anything with these crutches. Nothing. The percocet really messed me up. I was nauseous, had an upset stomach, was dizzy all the time, and sleeping was hell. I would fall asleep, only to wake up covered in sweat. Like drenched to the point I wanted to change the sheets and take a shower. This would happen about every hour. I'd be cold, but sweating. I'd be burning up, but shivering. I stopped taking the percocet after one day, but the night sweats/chills continued and my stomach still felt constantly sick. The day after I got out of the hospital I went to church with my grandparents to prove my activeness (another post in itself). I even went for all three hours, though I got dizzy in Priesthood and thought I was going to pass out.

It was determined that my grandparents, though good people, were just too old to care for me properly. I continued reading books in my waking hours, or attempting to fitfully sleep, without much success. Time drug slowly by. Some nights I still cried myself to sleep with despair and one night I even started hitting myself in the face because I was so frustrated that my broken body would not let me rest.

I wished only for death. Why? Why the hell did I live? I know how many would have been heart-broken, distraught, devastated to know I was taken. I'm not saying I'm ungrateful for what I have, and the fact that I am watched over. I feel very blessed to know God loves me and cares for me, and he still has work for me here. I just don't understand the whys yet, and in those moments of lonely darkness, didn't want to be strong anymore. I wanted only peace. Elusive peace that death would bring. The nights after were difficult for me.

The doctor finally told us when we went for the first checkup that the condition I had was called Atlexisis, meaning that when I suffered my trauma my lungs partially collapsed. This was causing my organs to not work all the way and the reason I was having chills and sweats. The only way to fix this was to do deep breathing, and wait. So I tried to do deep breathing as much as I could, especially at night when I was sleeping, but it didn't help too much.

My father came to rescue me on Wednesday the 11th. I was still not sleeping. The first night he was there, he took me downtown to see Randi in her play. Two days later we headed for Florida. Before the airport, I got to see Meggers and Scott before I left (to return books I'd borrowed and say bye). The plane trip was agony, although getting a wheelchair was cool. We brought as much stuff would fit in 4 suitcases and two huge carryons, plus my backpack, but half of my stuff is still in Utah, and I left more than 150 books. The second leg of the trip from Denver to Orlando we sat in the very front so I could at least put my feet up, so that made it more tolerable, but still the flight was so LONG. When we landed my mom and brother J were waiting and they squealed and ran to hug me.

I would be lying if I said I was excited to be home, but really, I can't think of anywhere better. My parents can definitely take care of me. And I get to spend ample time with my siblings.

I have physically left winter behind for the sun, and now am left only to deal with the winter that still rages in my heart. The one that does not want to forgive, that is still angry, the one that is still hurting from what has happened. I don't know how to reconcile this, and frankly, don't know that I want to.

In time, I hope that it will get better.

Part of my headache and agony of the first nights and weeks has been resolved, thanks to Brit helping us find an attorney, which I'm not allowed to talk about for sake of our case; suffice it to say we are working on it, and hopefully all will be made right by the end.

Since coming to Florida, I have done a little better sleeping but not much. And I'm so bored. The days just drag, and all I can do is sit here and be an invalid. And I hate it. There's only so much reading, video games, and tv watching one can handle. Why isn't it May yet? AGH.

Today I even watched Spanish soaps.

One of the first days I was here we went to Wal-mart and I got to ride in the little dirver cart thing, which was pretty fun, and today we went out for subs. Other than that it has just been sitting.

Also Ry was sick when I got here, and I quickly caught the bug so on top of my leg pain and not sleeping, I have a cough and stuffed sinuses as well. Life is just peaches!

My knee staples came out on the 14th and were fine, but the ones on the inside of my leg got infected and we had to go to the ER. No one in Florida wants to take an "out-of-state" case so we couldn't find a doctor and went to the ER instead. We had to wait for 4 hours before there was finally a bed available. The doctor was really young, but he knew what he was doing. He took out the staples from the infected part and gave me butterfly bandages to keep the skin together. He also prescribed two kinds of antibiotics so that the infection would go down, and it has, significantly. Today I'm supposed to get the last staples out, so that will be nice. But I still can't feel my foot, it's still way red, and my leg still has this nasty bulge in it, we are hoping from the trauma.

But I'm doing okay. Relatively speaking. I guess. If you ask me, that's what I'll tell you anyway.

Why do we always say we're fine,
when it's obviously we're lying?
Why don't we ever tell the truth,
what do we got to lose?

And I don't know much,
but I know about love and how it hurts me to give up
It hurts me to give up

And I don't know much,
but I know about love and how it hurts me to give up
It hurts me to give up

Living with my grandparents was posh. As noted here, after Turtle's visit, I moved to Smithfield to find new work. Cache Valley was supposedly the place with the lowest unemployment rate in Utah. Cool. I had my own room, my own bathroom, I totally felt at home. Even better was Grandma's cooking. Authentic, old-school, home-style cooking. Bread from scratch. Real eggs for breakfast. Real fruits and veggies from the garden. Three full sit-down meals a day. Doesn't get better than that.

Job hunting was tedious, but I applied myself anyway. Had some leads, was interviewing, and then it happened. 5pm on a Friday. I didn't realize it was already 5pm, and was thinking that the library was open til 5:30. The Librarian told me it was time to close up shop. I scrambled with all my stuff, and then headed out. Walked a block south, and then looked at traffic. Busy. I pulled off my left glove to send a quick text message. When I snapped my phone shut, I looked again. Clear. So I went. Crossed the two lanes, the middle, and the fourth lane. I was moving into the 5th lane when a white Buick materialized, seemingly from nowhere. And she didn't stop. Or even slow down. 45mph. BAM. The last thing I remember is turning my head, seeing something white, and then a sickening crunch noise.


The official police report reads thusly:

"Sergeant Jake Walker - I was contacted by dispatch and notified of an accident that involved a vehicle and a pedestrian. I was told that the injuries to the pedestrian were sounding significant. Chief McCoy was notified and given updated information during the incident.

"Weather/Road/Traffic conditions are winter with snow covered ground, cold (approximately 25 degrees), clear with sun beginning to set, dry clear roads on a 4 lane highway posted 45mph zone, well-marked crosswalk, and heavy traffic flow.

"I called for several units for traffic control. I had units placed at 100 S Main to shut down traffic northbound, Center and 100 E to shut down traffic eastbound towards Main, and Main and Center to stop any vehicles attempting to make a left turn off of Main onto Center.

"I was the first to arrive on the scene and noticed a person laying in the road. Several people were surrounding and helping the person. I noticed a backpack and glasses on the ground. The glasses were demolished. I asked what happened and I was told by two people that they were witnesses. These people are [names removed to protect the innocent, although one had my first AND middle name! What are the chances of that?] Both stated that they seen what happened and were willing to give statements concerning the accident. Both stated that they noticed the white car was the only vehicle northbound at the time. They both stated that he was flipped over the car after being struck. Both stated that the white car was in the outside lane of travel. One stated that the pedestrian was clear on the other side of the road and that [the witness] was in the southbound outside lane. He flipped around quickly and started to attend the victim. [Witness #2] had left the scene and came back to see how the incident was going. He stated that he did see the pedestrian running from east to west. Snow covered the ground on the sidewalk and surrounding area around the sidewalk. I looked and could not see any fresh tracks that would indicate anyone running. The tracks all appeared to be old. I did take note of one track that was small in size and appeared to be iced. The tracks were tennis shoe type tread with small zig-zag type tread. I also asked Sgt. Seamons to go and ask the clerk at the 7-11 to see if she could identify this man as coming in the store. He was told by the clerk that this person had not been in the store.

"I asked where the vehicle was that hit the pedestrian and I was directed north of the intersection to a white buick. I looked at the car briefly and could see damage to the hood and windshield. I could see an elderly female inside the car in the driver's seat and she appeared to be in shock. I asked her if she was ok and she stated that she was feeling ill from just getting over the flu. I asked what medications she was on, if any, and she stated that she is on diabetic medication and is currently on them.

"I then turned my attention to the victim on the road. I noticed that it was a male and that he would come in and out of consciousness. When he did become conscious, he would become combative. He was bleeding from his head on the left side. He was laying on the left side of his body. He also had scrapes on his lower back right side. Volunteers and medical persons had to restrain him and hold him down. While this was happening, I looked for a wallet and or any identifying factors to assist in identifying the man. I located a name badge from a hotel with the first name of D on it. When he was asked if he was D, he stated that he was. He would also respond to the name of D when he was asked to stay still or other questions from medical persons.

"Once he was under complete care of medical, I then started to work on the crime scene. I located two skid marks in the northbound right lane of travel. The right skid was longer than the left. They ended south of the crosswalk. The body was north of the crosswalk and slightly to the east of the right skid mark. Trooper T. Mouritsen was contacted and asked to come and diagram the scene. He has all the measurements and will be making a computer diagram and will return that to me. I will place this in the case file for reference. Photos were taken and downloaded to case.

"Both the driver and pedestrian were transported to Logan ER for further care. All the belongings to the pedestrian were placed in my car. The vehicle was safe kept on an owners request to Preston Auto.


"I responded to the ER and spoke with D. He was conscious and able to comprehend what was being asked of him by nurses. I was able to ask him what his birth date was and he answered correctly. The nurses stated that he was doing much better than when he was brought in. I asked him if he remembered what happened and he stated that he was walking across the crosswalk going home from the library and that is when he was hit, He stated that he did not see where the car came from. He stated that before he crossed the road he looked and it appeared clear. He stated that he had been at the library from 1400 to 1700. He stated that he was going to be home at 1700. I asked him if he was running and he stated no. He stated that he was in the crosswalk. I noticed that his left hand and arm were bruised and his right leg was damaged on the shin area. I learned that his right leg in the shin area was broken. Both bones were broke. I looked what type of footwear D had on and it was boot type with large square patterns. This would have been easily seen in the snow.

"I was able to speak with [woman who hit me] and get her statement. I was told she was going northbound on Main approaching the intersection. She stated she was going about 40mph and seen the pedestrian at the last minute and hit her brakes. According to her, there was cars in the left lane next to her. She stated this is why she could not swerve that way and miss from hitting the pedestrian. She stated that she heard a bang and then the windshield broke. She stated that it shook her up very bad.

"I explained to her that she is at fault for the accident to fail to yield to a pedestrian. I told her that I was not going to issue a citation but it was clear that the pedestrian was in the crosswalk and had gotten across the southbound lanes and almost through the northbound lanes. All thought the pedestrian was wearing an ipod and it was going, but the face is that the driver of the vehicle did not slow or stop as stated in the 41-6a-1002 code for pedestrians rights when crossing in a crosswalk."

K, so the facts. I was wearing my ipod, and it was on. The running makes no sense to me though. Nor can I figure out how the heck I got hit. Had I been crossing and seen the car, knowing it wouldn't stop, I would have stopped in the middle of the road and waited for it to go by before moving on. My only thought would be that I misjudged the speed of the car and tried to hurry by before it got there? I have no idea. Then again, I really didn't see it, until it was already hitting me. So...

My favorite part, aside from the officer's grammar, is where she said there were other cars, when BOTH witnesses said she was the only one. The only one. I'm still pissed she didn't get cited, but talked to my uncle who's a cop, and he says it wouldn't have made much of a difference. Also, I remember nothing from the time I got hit until I woke up in the ER and started responding to the nurses and what not. So the whole having to be restrained and all that... yeah, no clue. I also think it's cool that people stopped and helped me. I am thanking them still in my heart. And then there's the whole miracle part. Another miracle though. My glasses, as stated, demolished. My phone, which was in my left hand when I got hit, broke in two; completely unusable. My backpack, containing my laptop... well, one of the angels catching me stopped to catch that obviously because there's no way my laptop shouldn't have broken into a million pieces. The lid is super scratched and all, but miraculously, it still works. Cools.

My memories of the ER are patchy at best, but I remember one of the nurses wearing red was really nice. I can't remember if I was there before surgery or after, and I definitely didn't see my leg. My grandparents were there, and I remember the cop, too, but not much else.

So while I was sitting on a couch growing roots trying not to go insane, Turtle came to visit. Yay respite. She was originally going to come the 3rd-10th but then genius me bought a ticket home until the 6th. Woops. So we had to shuffle a bit.

I forgot to mention in previously that before my uncle agreed to help me move out in the matter of a few hours, I'd been conversing with my favorite roommate of all time and he (bless his soul) was prepared to come and save me. Had that happened Turtle was prepared to change her ticket to Salt Lake.

The Saturday before Turtle arrived, Tobias was down in the valley, and so was Trav's friend Dave. Tobias loves caving but he was tired of Kuna Cave, so he had me use my internet finding skills to dig up some more caves. I found one called Gore's cave and we went to go find it early Saturday. Well, the cave entrance was pretty much a crack in the ground, that I could barely fit inside. We looked around the surrounding landscape to see if there was any other entrance. Nope, that was it. Tobias got down in and there was some INTENSE wind. So we put on an extra layer, then Tobias went first, me next, and Trav and Dave coming last. Once you got down and slid through the tiny opening, the cave opened up big enough we could stand. We spent the next few hours exploring and poking in every part of the cave. It didn't go many places too interesting, nor did it go very far in any direction, but it was still neat to play in. Then we went over by Swann Falls and played on the Snake River plain, looking for an old brick house that eluded us. We got pizza and went home to clean off all the mud. That was a pretty fun evening.

Turtle arrived Monday morning on the 12th. I got up early so that I could be sure and be there on time. I've been by the airport countless times and picked up twice, so I thought sure I could get there on my own; right? Not so much. L O L. I saw everything else though. Drove by the military base, the industrial park, the factory outlets. I drove in circles and loops and missed my exit and she was there before I even got to the stupid place. LOL

On my way to the airport being lost I drove past a chapel and noticed that there was a missionary meeting going on, and one of the people I baptized is kinda serving a mission in Boise right now, so when I had Turtle we went there first. The old missionary dude outside was funny because we asked him about the meeting and he mistook us for investigators and kindly explained that there were no services today and that they met on sundays. Lol Sadly he's serving in another area, so we didn't get to see him.

We went to Kels' house (who sadly got called into work) and watched HEROES Season 3. The whole thing. From beginning to end, like 11 hours. Turtle is addicted. Only she doesn't do violence or blood. Which is where I come in. I tell her when to cover and uncover her eyes. It works most of the time, but sometimes she still ends up seeing a severed head or something else she didn't need in her brain. There was one interruption to the marathon: Cayla came over to say hey with her youngest, which was neat, because I hadn't seen her in a while. After that was over, we went out to get some dinner at Applebee's. The gentlemen asked us if we were there for dinner...? Mmm, no we just came to look at your Timberline High School Picture Gallery? Honestly. After dinner we went back to Kels' and played with her kids. HEr two-year was playing a leapster game and totally said, "Oh crap!" to the surprise of all of us, including his dad! Oops! Then we got headed over to Trav's where I set Turtle up on the bed and I took the couch.

Tuesday the 13th I made eggs for breakfast, then we went out with my Aunt K to go Geocaching. OH yeah. My aunt wanted to get 25 in one day, so we needed to go quickly. It was Turtle's first time so she got to see a regular-size one, small ones, and even micro-caches.

The day was really foggy, and much of the grass was wet so by the end we were wet up to our knees. The most exciting cache of the day had to be this one:

"We started off enveloped in thick fog, barely able to see anywhere in front of us. Then, a gunshot. Turtle hit the dirt. 'What was that?' Me: 'Um, a gun shot. The description said there was a firing range somewhere nearby.' We didn't think much of it, except the part where Turtle kept ducking everytime there was a sound.

"We eventually made our way to the top, spent forever looking (agree that the hint is vague) and finally Turtle made the find. Our coords at the find were: N 43° 29.269 W 116° 43.255

"After rehiding we stopped at the memorial, then started making our way back down. The firing continued, and Turtle picked up a bottle to CITO. Then I saw the shotgun shells. Hundreds of them. Casings EVERYWHERE. About the same time Turtle discovered this bottle she'd picked had holes in it. BULLET holes.


"Let's put it mildly and say much running therein ensued. Frantic, I'm-going-to-die-why-hasn't-it-happened-yet running. Yeah.

"We made it out alive. Somehow. Don't think I'll be bringing any of my friends back to visit this cache; nothing personal."

After we found a ton of caches, we went to my Aunt's then out to dinner for a geocaching event! After the hubbub was all over and we were tired out, we went back to Trav's and logged everything we'd found that day. That night we met up with Kels and her hubby at the ghetto, empty bowling alley. We had to wait forever for them to get there, and I didn't have a very good night bowling; barely 100. Turtle got 60 or 70, which was like double her normal score. Awesome. Then sleep.

Wednesday the 14th, Turtle slept most of the morning (and the afternoon) while I just hung out (and blogged), although when she first woke up we did make a Pita Pit run, because let's be honest, I'm 100% an addict. At Turtle's request, F***book was actually opened on my computer while she chatted with her friend Cam she hadn't seen in like 6 years. I even added some to the convo (*gasp!* I chatted on F***book).
That afternoon we went to Boise and met up with Cam and it was all around fun, except Turtle actually bowled so slow, her ball DID get stuck. Three times! Then we went to a coffee shop downtown to get hot chocolate. After we said bye to Cam, I took Turtle to the movies. I wanted to see Despereaux. Sadly, we missed the last showing. Meh. I bought two tickets to see Bedtime Stories. Once we were inside though, we decided we wanted to see Valkyrie more, so we just popped into that one instead. Then we went to JB's for dinner, and went home. We stayed up late looking at fail blog on the race car bed, laughing and laughing.

Thursday the 15th, we kinda just chilled. We filled out Peace Corps applications, and I blogged. Zeta and Spence came over and we played Nertz and Dominoes. I, of course, even with my self-handi-caps, owned at Nertz. I am a God at that game. Sierra came over with her kids and totally quizzed Turtle and I about our "upcoming wedding." Heh Heh. Awwwwwkward! We went for Mexican that night, and it was so good I went back twice after Turtle left by myself.

Friday the 16th we snagged a ride with Tobias up the mountain. We got breakfast at a gas station and then counted how many times Tobias nearly killed us driving. We stopped at my uncles, then went to see Cascade, and McCall. Wanted to eat at The Mill, but it was closed, so we ate at one of the ritzy hotels right on the lake instead. The owners were soooo loaded. After that, it was finally time. SNOWBOARDING. Nice. We had so much fun trying out our boards and getting the hang of it. I can go really good, but that doesn't help because you crash at the bottom, lol. Tobias insisted it was about carving. You have to go back and forth. So then I tried learning how to turn, which was harder than it looked.

After we got cold and the sun went down, we got dinner, rented a video, ate tacos, and then after the movie went to the Hot Springs, which were so fun! There was a group of guys in the lower pool, so we used the upper. The best part about the whole thing was knowing there was snow, we were in hot water, and being able to look at the stars.

When we were done, I led Turtle back to the car without a flashlight because I have stellar night vision while Tobias finished changing. We started watching Kung Fu Panda but Turtle was wiped and we went to bed instead.

Saturday the 17th we watched the rest of Panda and I made pizza. Then we played outside in the snow for a bit while waiting for a vehicle so we could go snowboarding again. I managed to get turning down really well one way, but still struggled with the other.

I also told Turtle that she needed to lean more on the board so it would grip and then she decided that snowboarding was super amazing (I have no idea what she was doing before this) We went to the store after and got dinner, then played with Sierra's kids some more. We watched another lame movie (Mad Money) and played yahtzee. The 6-year old beat us. Then we worked on my lesson.

Sunday the 18th, we were still in Cascade, so I got to teach! However, they took away my 10yr olds and gave me the 5yr olds instead! Eee. I was excited but nervous. I taught everything I could think of from the lesson, even having them color and play games, and I still ran out of material. I tried to go back to the previous week's lesson, but they remembered they'd already learned it and it didn't work so well. Turtle stepped in and tried to get them to role-play but one of the girls just wanted to pretend she was a puppy. Eee. Also like 2 of my kids left during singing time (which was before class) because they missed their parents and they started crying. After church was over, we went back to Uncle's, loaded Turtle's stuff, and it was off to the airport for her flight home.

It was such a good visit, I was so glad she got to come. As a final treat for reading this far, here's where I was living in Idaho before I got booted out:

i need to update.

but really i just want to sleep.

and am too high to care.

about anything like updates.

clearly, i'm alive. surgeries are going well. i may even go home from this hell-hole-of-a-boredom-pit-with-a-tube-in-my-weiner tomorrow.

[Insert: as I was writing this drug-laced ramble of apathetic indifference with my iv still beeping incessantly because i refuse not to bend my arm, one of the CNA's came in and totally freaked out that I was STILL HERE. She was like omg I saw you last saturday night and they were doing surgery and I can't believe you are still here! I KNOW. RIGHT? GOOD HELL.]

If there weren't an endlessly-refreshing-10-minute supply of drugs this relationship would have ended...weeks ago. Even so I'm not completely without qualms that it's continued this long. Everything has limits. Everything.

I've even exhausted my supply of books. That's like 2000+ pages of reading on top of all the drugs, surgery, eating, peeing anytime it suits via bladder tube, and sleeping.



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